I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
