I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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