now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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