sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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