Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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