Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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