I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
