Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
