so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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