She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
