i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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