Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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