Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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