I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
