dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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