i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
