My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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