The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
