Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
