Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
