i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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