Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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