It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
