I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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