Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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