if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
