it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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