He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
