Say something about gay babies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
