Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
