I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We have started to decorate penises.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
