So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
