I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
