Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
