If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
