This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
