tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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