Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
be right there i have to get my cape
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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