Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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