I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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