it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
