I have demons in me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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