I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
