i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
