sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
