The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dick has a subreddit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
