i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
