Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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