I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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