I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
