Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
