Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
