when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
