Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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