sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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