While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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