New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
